I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice with my bare hands. I have been known to remodel train stationson my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas. Ocasionally, I tread water for 3 days in a row. I woo men with my sensuous, godlike trombone playing. I can pilot a bicycle up several inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty minute brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down.-- The Ninja Bible
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